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QUICK AND EASY WINS THE RACE
By Jim Bodkin
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January 3, 2005. This article appeared in the Galley section of the February, 2004 issue of Pacific Yachting, that superb boating magazine published in Vancouver, B.C. I laughed out loud when I read the article almost a year ago, and again when I re-read it just now. Pacific Yachting and Jim Bodkin, the author, graciously granted permission to include the article here on waggonerguide.com. -- Bob Hale
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I like a good sea-going lunch, but you never seem to publish my kind o' recipes so I thought I would send along a couple o' my all time favorites. These are simple to make, even for not-so-good sea cooks, but I never got any complaints about them and I find they often stimulate a bit o' nostalgia and some pretty good conversation.
My number one favorite is super easy; it doesn't even need to be cooked. I guess a chef would call it a cold collation but me and my fishin' buddies, we just call it lunch. It's pretty darn good lunch too, even if the fishin' aren't so good. And you can fix it up right in the boat while you're fishin'. Tastes better that way; fresher. And it's no bother at all -- just give the bait board and knife a wipe and you're ready to begin.
Spamwiches are dead simple. Just remember to cut off nice thick slabs; something you can sink your teeth into. The bread's important too; plain white's the only way to go. Let's face it, the missus doesn't feed us that kind any more and the way our teeth are, squirrely bread just aren't much fun. You don't need butter, nor mayo neither. The Spam's got all the grease you need.
Some like it like that -- plain bread and meat. Others prefer a slather of mustard or maybe a squirt of HP. Me, I like it with a big slice of onion. To go with the Spamwiches I usually provide a personal (varies with the person) sized can o' pork 'n beans and a big, juicy sour dill pickle. That and a can o' beer makes a great sea-going lunch. If you catch a fish, well how good can it get?
Clean up's real simple too. Just throw the cans and plastic forks into the garbage bag. Nice thing is, this lunch is so satisfyin' nobody ever wants dessert. Fishin' buddies aren't much on verbal thanks, but you usually get a complimentary belch or two, maybe even a discrete breaking of wind to show their appreciation.
As good as this lunch is, it's nice and easy to vary it a bit. Everybody enjoys an occasional bologna burger, provided you get a big enough hunk of it that you can saw off some good-sized slabs. None of that wimpy skimpy sliced packaged stuff. And it's no trouble at all to substitute pickled eggs or some sauerkraut for the dill.
It's kind if interesting when I bring the sauerkraut. Everybody handles it differently. Some just fork a heap onto their Spamwich or burger. Some finish up their pork 'n beans and then fill the can with kraut. Some do a little o' this and a little o' that -- sort of a mix and match. Had some good jaw wagging when the fishin's been slow about the different approaches. You know, you're never to old to be amazed and if you aren't careful you might just learn something. Yep, nothin' beats a good sea-going lunch, good conversation and a good day afloat.
If you've got a stove, you've got a real advantage. Amazing how different this tastes hot. Just the ticket for a cool day on the saltchuck. All you gotta do is fry up the meat and warm up the beans. 'Course you gotta use plates then, so you might as well go whole hog and whip up some kinda Kraft dinner as well. Real easy if you pay attention to the directions. Everybody just laps it up and its pretty orange color looks good on the plate with the brown beans, pink meat and green pickle. An' even if you cook the meat a little too much, you just tell your shipmates that we're all Roman gods in Neptune's realm, and you're providing them with a burnt offering to ensure calm seas. Like I said, most seamen are pretty easy to cook for.
Tried sliced wienies once, but the guys thought they lacked pizzazz raw. They liked them fried and cold okay, but that's a bit o' bother. So I don't use wienies unless we are on a boat with a stove -- then I might cook up a batch of wiener-getti which tends to be well received. Of course there's always a demand for my signature dish -- Wieners Tetrazini. But I save that for special occasions like birthdays, Christmas, or if one of the guys with a delicate digestion has an upset stomach and needs something to soothe it.
Just as an aside, I should point out this food goes well ashore too. It's really appreciated at poker parties and when you have the guys over to watch Wrestlemania.
So, whatduya say, let's have more lip-smacking recipes from hairy-chested sea cooks and let the holding tanks take the consequences. If you see the good ship Otter afloat, don't be shy about comin' alongside. Chances are I might have an extra Spamwich to share 'n we could have a good gam, 'n maybe share some more he-man lunch secrets.
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